April Fools!

Every year I tell myself,  "this is going to be the year I become a practical jokester!"   And as every April 1st comes and goes -- I always forget to do anything.  It's a consistent pattern every year.  You know,  George Clooney is well known in his Hollywood circle of friends as being the best practical joke man.  I'm sure you've already heard that before.  And then there's Ashton Kutcher of course with his previous show, Punk'd.  Even the WORST jokes that are nearly nightmares for these people actually turn into a funny relief when they find out its just a joke.   -- Today, on April Fool's, - I wish I could say the same for what happened to me.  I would have given ANYTHING if it had been a joke.  Almost too crazy to even believe.   I'm STILL shaking.

I was eating at a fabulous restaurant today,  doing a formal 'review' for my show --- and something happened to me.   Something so out of this world strange,  that it would fit perfectly for April Fools Day.   Unfortuantely,  it was actually very scary.  And it was so bizarro that I had to come home and blog about it.  -- If only a tv crew had been around to capture this on film.

So I'm sitting by myself reviewing an impressive meal  (the restaurant will remain nameless due to the sensitivity of what I'm about to share) and throughout almost all of it,  I keep noticing this woman staring at me.  Blatantly.  I even smiled a couple times at her,just because it was so obvious!  She was eating by herself too from across the room.  I eventually concluded that maybe she was one of my radio listeners who perhaps had met me before at an event or something.  I mean, I don't know - I couldn't fathom why this lady was so uncomfortably staring at me.   I had to force myself to ignore it.
   -- So as I finished my meal and after speaking to the owner for a bit,  I left the restaurant and was walking towards my car.  All the sudden I heard a woman's voice calling out,  "Excuse me!  Excuse me!"   -- I turned around and sure enough,  it was the staring lady -- chasing me down the parking lot.   She looked nice and 'normal' enough,  so I stopped and was curious to know how we knew each other.   She was very sweet and polite and said she was sorry for staring at me if I noticed  (yeah, how could I not?!?)  but that she was 'in awe' because I looked just like her daughter .... and how I could be confused for her twin!  She said the resemblance was striking,  if not eerie. 
Ahhhh, now I get it.  Seemed simple enough.  Right?
So when I asked if she happened to have a picture of her daughter so I could see for myself .... she looked down at the ground and then began to get choked up.   What she told me next could have changed my entire world.
This lady (a total stranger)  began to WEEP in front of me, and told me her daughter had died overseas in the war about 7 years ago. 
I didn't know what to do!  Stunned and in shock,  I just held out my arms and began hugging this poor woman.  After she calmed down,  I finally started to say my goodbyes  (-pretty freaked out by this experience already).   As I said my peace and with another couple of hugs .... I finally started walking back to my car.   So sad.  I was moved.
All the sudden -- I hear her running up behind me.  Again.  She says to me,  "Wait!  Please don't go!"   She literally came right up to me as I was opening my car door.  She wanted me to go back into the restaurant with her and keep chatting.  She said she would pay for anything I wanted,  if I would just let her 'look at me' some more.   (freaky!!)   I declined, of course.  I felt really bad for her - but honestly,  I had work to do.  I was already running late for my next appointment.   -- But she wouldn't take no for an answer!  It actually became quite uncomfortable with me continuing to tell her,  "I'm sorry, I can't".  
Then.  Here comes the crazy.
This woman grabbed my hand and literally said  "No I'M sorry.  I can't let you leave".    (uh,  help me,  Twilight Zone!)  She started crying.  Again!  And before I knew it,  she was shouting in desperation!  -- Things like  "MY DAUGHTER SENT YOU TO ME"  -  "WHERE IS MY DAUGHTER"  - "YOU CAN'T LEAVE!  I'LL NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN".

Uh -- folks -- at this point,  people in the parking lot are all staring!!  I am officially scared and FREAKED OUT!!!!   She kept hanging onto my arm for dear life!!!!   Hanging on to my arm and shouting in tears!   What was I supposed to do???????   What would YOU have done?????   I'm panicking myself now at this point!!
I politely try to pry her off of me,  even telling her that she's scaring me.   And then,  the worst of it came.   This crazy broken woman started crying out her daughters name.  Calling ME her daughter's name!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT THE - ????????????????
Uh .....  HELP!!!!!!!!!!

She was obviously unconsoleable,  and now I am truly scared for my own safety.   So I yank my arm out of her grip ... jump in my car ....  (all the while,  I'm saying I'm sorry,  I'm sorry,  I'm sorry,  over and over again as I try to squeal away!)   This lady is screaming in the parking lot for me to not go  (there is now a small crowd watching!!)  and right as I was about to slam my car door shut ......  she makes one last leap  .... calls me by her daughters name again .... and has managed to grab hold of my left leg,  as she stumbles to the ground!
Well I can't very well hit the gas and move my car!!  I'd kill her!!    So here I am,  stuck with a crazy lady holding onto my leg in a tantrum .... I am now officially yelling for anyone to come and help me  .... while she's just there on the ground crying and pulling on my leg!!!!!!   She's just pulling and pulling .....     ......  kinda like I'm here pulling yours.





;-)



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